Menopause
Everyone knows that perimenopause and menopause can be a difficult time for women. It seems far too personal an issue to write about in a blog that's read by people I don't know and yet I feel it's important to at least acknowledge that the difficult symptoms or affects of perimenopause I experience are exceedingly embarrassing, difficult, uncomfortable and destabilizing. For the past two years I've made every attempt to engage my GP's help in addressing these difficulties but her interventions made have only caused different problems and now, the day before the first workshop, I find myself awake at 2.00 a.m. having the first night sweat I've had in 5 months, as I've been directed to stop taking Premarin (conjugated oestrogen). At least the GP has made an urgent referral for me to see a gynaecologist. I hope I can be comfortable in that department soon. So with that and the gallbladder issue I feel in less than peak condition for giving my full energy to the theatre improv workshops but will go and will do all I can to be true and authentic with whatever I am, whatever I have and to find out exactly what I can deliver in such circumstances, to suspend my judgements and prophecies about my ability and simply be in the moment and find out what occurs.
Isolation
I guess the problem is that I haven't a peer group to ask to find out how it is for other women. I assume that for busy professionals maybe they can afford private health care or maybe they enjoy the attentions of an informed, understanding and supportive GP. I attended a group organised and run by Menopause Self Care a year or so ago, http://www.menopauseselfcare.org.uk/ , which made me more aware and gave me sources of information, but it seems I need more money, energy, time and single mindedness to actually achieve a healthy transition from one stage of womanhood to another. I feel I need a wise woman to guide me and there is none around for me. Of course it would be a ridiculous idea to have these issues addressed in performance! (?). This change reminds me of the transition of adolescence - the hormone driven change in structure and sense of self - the not knowing what I'll emerge like. Some of these symptoms could be life threatening - that is, some of them could be completely normal and some might have a more sinister origin.
To Dye or Not to Dye - THAT is the question!
I've felt that having hair colour that matches my eyebrows is pretty important yet at the top and front of my head the hair has turned silver and I've been covering it in hair dye for years. I did cut all the dyed hair off a few years back but somehow couldn't cope with the feeling of weakness being grey gave me. People treated me differently. They did stuff like assume I had difficulty using a mobile phone or computer, called me 'love', receptionists gave me less than their full attention. I don't know how to describe it, but there is a difference. Now I'm back to thinking it's time to document how it feels to be grey and I've had lots of my hair cut off to reveal the grey that's predominant at the front. I'll try to accept this change in me and put anything that arises into performance.
How on earth are these performances going to be engaging, entertaining and art? Who the heck wants to see this transitional stuff put into performance? I really don't know. I think I'd be fascinated to see these experiences explored in theatre, but I haven't seen it done, so I've no idea what it could be like. I simply haven't had enough money for years to go and see performances of any kind, so maybe it's all been done and I've missed it.
Enough 'mithering'. I'll finish with a quote from a recent conversation with a lovely younger woman friend who had been listening to me for a little while :-
Me: Ah K.., I used to be like you, all bubbly and sociable - I didn't know I'd end up a miserable old cow.
K..: You're not a miserable old cow! Put it this way, if I end up a miserable old cow like you, I won't mind too much.
Me: I think that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a long time.
Kim
x
Hi kim,
ReplyDeleteIt seems like your project is really evolving already. I don't think the idea of documenting an experience of menopause as performance is a bad idea, I think it's a great idea! It seems as if your context (the women) has had an effect on your artisitic practice/concept already, If that's what you're thinking about then why not go with it and see where it leads you. Maybe you could even open the floor and have a discussion with the women ,you could ask them what they think about your project, their expectations and their feelings about menopause?
Ni Langley (3rd yr Choreography)
Hello Ni
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your supportive thinking and encouragement, especially for menopause as a valid area for performance. The time will come when we'll all express themes we'd like to explore. I'm looking forward to seeing just what themes come up and have a strategy in mind for having those emerge. In the meantime, we're reconnecting and reintegrating with ourselves, forming safety and a sense of ensemble and for some women, trying out these approaches for the first time.
Are you doing a CEP too?
Best wishes
Kim