There are many instances in the photos where you can see how old I am, how fat I am, how 'out of shape' I am. If I waited to take part in the degree or workshops or anything until I looked, felt, moved better - I just wouldn't start. I am the product of my life so far and that's what I have to work with. There's such enormous pressure to look good, be happy, be positive. What if we're not those things? Shall we stay hidden shamefully away?
And yet I agree that aesthetically a lot of my work would look better if my body were more supple, lithe, if I could move more gracefully. Looking at these photos I have to come to terms with how I look and how an audience will experience me.
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| Contort the Face and See What Sounds You Can Make |
We spent quite some time as a group making as contorted faces as we could and letting sounds emerge, shaped by those faces. This is where having a workshop of just older women paid off because we felt ok with each other doing this stuff. Andy the photographer is great at blending in and, so as to ensure everyone feels comfortable, we make sure they know he's just come to photograph me. Luckily Adele and recently Abi have said they're ok with me using photos with them in.
Finding energy. This is POWOW 3 in Studio A of the Performance Centre. I had undiagnosed tonsillitis on that day and felt rubbish before we started, yet during the workshop I seem to find impulses and energy I didn't know I had. This was the exercise 3 positions (in the space), 3 gestures, 3 sounds, followed by exploration of the journey between the positions. I think I was about 6-8 inches off the ground at this point.
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| Follow Your Interest/Pleasure |
I'm getting used to the shock of how I look when I'm doing this. As it's not a performance but a process of discovery, and to some extent recovery, it's irrelevant what I look like. It's my hope that, throughout the project I will challenge myself on my own ageism and sexism that keeps so many women, young and old, out of the gaze of an audience because they don't comply to some standard or other. I think the process is modelling me towards some kind of ultimate form for me. It'll take a lot longer than this project's span to achieve it. If any blog readers were brave enough to give their opinions on what they see in the photos I'd be interested.
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| Angela, Adele (dancers) Kim |
Whoever's in front leads, the rest doing their own version whilst following.
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Adele, Kim and Angela
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