Stealing, Cheating, Lying and Self Deception

Hm.  These are some of the tools Adele has shared from her work with Andrew Morrish that we can use in impro!  So refreshing to have this permission!  However, I realise I deceive myself all the time.

Self-Deception

I've been reviewing the videos and photos that Andy Mellors and myself took of POWOW 2.  Andy tells me that most women think they are bigger than they really are.  That's not true of me!  I think I'm much slimmer than I am.  I think I'm more attractive than I really am.  I think I'm more interesting than I really am.  You name it, I overestimated it!  No doubt I have delusions about my singing as well.  If I saw myself as I really am, I'm not sure how the heck I'd get through all the things I do.  I have this feeling inside that's the same me as I was at 14, 16, 35, 40 something.  I'm all of the ages, sizes, types, all of the females I have ever been.  And so it's a shock to see how jowly I've become, how exceedingly disproportionate around the tummy, how dumpy my hands are, how solid my neck is.  I'm showing all the years of comfort eating, tiredness, stress, depression and inactivity.  How strong must be my desire to grow into the person I always thought I was?  How determined is the all time me to sing or move or share something real, something interesting, with others?  I must have a sort of madness.

Bang Goes Ego - Photos and Videos


I'm going to figure how to share some photos and videos on the blog.  I'd like to watch the videos I made with the other women and record our discussion.  How much is revealed by videoing?  In my case, I've understood a lot more.  Seeing the reality has made me strangely happier, even though I'm absolutely horrified with how I actually look!  I can see what I need to do more clearly now, like getting on the scales and finding I'm 12 stone 8 lb isn't enough of a wake up call.  I've been overweight for years.   I wonder if I'll manage to get to the exercise classes, swimming pool, theatre sessions that I have in mind?  As for dieting, I find in cutting out fat completely to keep the gallbladder quiet, I tend to over rely on carbohydrates. I'll need to research some alternative approaches to eating to help me lose that enormous tum.

Music and Singing


Note to self - do some.